I Howl When We're Apart
by BeagMacTire
Summary: With Wolf's Time approaching Ruby can't get the image of Belle out of her head. Guilty for scaring her closest friend, only for her to lose her memory soon after, is driving the werewolf mad. But the one thing that bothers her more than anything else, is that she never really got to tell Belle how she felt. Red/Belle Rumbelle. Alas Once upon a Time is not mine! Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This was an idea which has been rattling around in my brain for a while and I had to write it down, it's not likely to be a long fic, (I say that alot...) Hope you enjoy it! **

**It's basically my attempt at providing a fix it for Belle's memory problems. It will get a bit angsty, but that's, unfortunately, what I do best.**

**Title comes from the song "Howl" by Florence and the Machine- which are frankly amazeballs.**

_"Everyone in this town is right to be afraid of me."  
"Well I'm not."  
"You should be!"_

Ruby launched awake, the look of fright in Belle's face when she had snarled at her, haunted her. It was the same expression of confused fear that her friend had worn in the hospital, when the nurses jumped in to sedate her.  
Running a hand through her long streaked hair, she knew sleep wouldn't come again. Sitting up, she reached to her bedside table, where her worry worn copy of the Mysterious Island by Jules Verne lay. Running her hand over the cover, she could feel her eyes prickling. Blinking hard, she took a deep breath, and put it back. With a growl, she wiped away her tears, "That's it."

She didn't set out with the intention to go to the hospital, but it seemed as soon as she started running, her feet just seemed to take her there.  
Walking through the entrance way, she paused. _It's three am, what am I doing here?_  
Dr Whale paused as he walked past her, "Ruby? Is there something wrong?"  
"Um, no. "She shook her head, "No, I'm okay, I just wanted to come see Belle."  
Glancing at his watch, he frowned, "Visiting hours don't begin till eight am..."  
"You're right! I'll go! Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking..." Whatever else she intended to say was lost in a mumble as she practically ran out.  
The Doctor frowned, "Strange..."

Splashing her face with cold water, Ruby looked at herself in the mirror, "What are you doing Red? Who the hell are you anymore?"  
A knock came at the door, "Ruby, are you okay?"  
"Yeah Granny, I'm fine; go back to sleep."

Walking to work the next morning, Ruby paused at the door of Granny's. Still unable to get the picture of a frightened Belle out of her head.  
The door opened, and Emma almost walked into her, "Oh! Hey Rube." The Sherriff frowned, "Hey, you okay?"  
After a moment, the brunette shook her head, "No, no I'm not; I've gotta go. Tell Granny I'm gonna be late." With that Ruby darted off towards the hospital.  
Standing on the top step, clutching her hot chocolate, Emma was left without a clue what the hell was going on.

She had pretty much ran through the entire hospital until she reached the room. At the door she stopped, inside Belle slept soundly; but she had an awful feeling that was more to do with the sedatives repeatedly pumped into her. Quietly opening the door, she took the seat beside her bed. Her voice was barely a whisper, afraid to wake the other woman, "Hey Belle. I don't know why exactly but... I haven't been able to get you out of my head tonight... Probably because it's been nearly a month since the last wolf's time" she chuckled, "Aaand we both know what happened there..." Her face fell, "Well... one of us does." Running a hand through her hair, she closed her eyes, "I miss my friend. I miss, you're smile in the mornings when you come to get your tea, the look of sheer joy in your eyes when you open a new book and most of all, I miss the way you would look at me... Like I wasn't a monster, as if all you could see in front of you was me. Not just Ruby not just the wolf but all of me; the whole damned package." A solemn smile ghosted over her lips, "But that wolf's time, I scared you. I yelled, hell I threatened you; and locked you up!" Reaching out gently, she brushed knuckles with Belle, "And I am so sorry for that. I was terrified; I thought I might hurt you and that scared me more than an angry mob ever could." Sighing, she stood. But before she left, she paused, "I wish I'd told you when you knew me; but you really are the best person I have ever known. The kindest, sweetest, most intelligent, wonderful person in this world; or any other." She worried her bottom lip, "And I guess, that's why I love you Belle."  
Blinking hard, she willed her feet to leave. _I said it aloud... Why did I do that? That makes it real!_  
Ignoring the logical part of her brain that screamed for her to leave, Ruby leant over and brushed her lips over the sleeping Belle's.  
Ruby stood with a start as a white burst of magic came from between the two. Taking a step back, Ruby watched as Belle woke with a start.  
The blue eyed librarian asked, "Ruby? What's going on? Where's Rumple?"  
In a single breath, Belle both made Ruby's heart sing and broke it into a thousand pieces. "You remember?"  
Belle nodded, "Yes, I don't know how... they just came back!"  
Half forcing a smile, Ruby nodded, "I'll call Rumple for you; I'm sure he'll be here faster than you can say Rumplestiltskin."  
"You said my name deary..." Gold's eyes widened, as he saw the look of recognition on Belle's face, "Belle! You remember!" Rushing across the room he gathered her in his arms.  
Unable to watch, Ruby cast the most convincing smile she could- which was watery at best- to Belle before excusing herself; and slipping out of the hospital in search of a strong drink.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Apologies for the delay! I've been rushed off my feet with uni work; I should be writing an essay now, but I was one stage from a mental break down so I needed a break.**

Storming past Emma, and behind the bar of Granny's, Ruby grabbed a bottle of scotch. Almost filling her tumbler, she downed it in one.  
Putting down her hot chocolate, Emma frowned, "Hey, Ruby. You okay?"  
Downing another, she growled, "I'm fine."  
Grabbing the neck of the bottle, as Ruby made to pour another, she shook her head, "Ruby, it's nine am."  
"Let go Emma."  
The unmasked threat in her friend's normally light voice, caused the Sherriff to sharply release the bottle. "What happened?"  
It was this moment Granny chose to storm out of the kitchen, "What time do you call this?! You're late for opening, and you think you can just swan in whenever..." She spotted the bottle, and Ruby's fast filling eyes. "Back room; now."  
Ruby nodded and made to move. Granny shook her head, "Bring the bottle and another tumbler; I have a feeling we might need it." Seeing her granddaughter through, she turned to Emma, "Can you hold the fort for a bit?"  
Nodding, she accepted an apron, "Sure, just make sure she's okay. I don't have to be at work today."

The next morning, Ruby grimly clung to the bucket beside her bed. With a weak groan, she sipped the water granny had left for her.  
Her head pounded, and she had to cover her eyes against the dim light.  
Sitting up slowly, she could hear Granny's voice rising, "I'm sorry Mr Gold, but Ruby isn't well enough right now. If you _have_ to see her, come tomorrow."  
After a long pause, she could hear him saying in a falsely sweet tone, "Very well Mrs Lucas. I shall catch her some other time. Do tell her I would like a word with her as soon as possible."  
Pulling the quilts over her head, Ruby released a low groan.  
The door opened, and her grandmother stepped inside, "Mr Gold was just here. He seemed pretty keen to see you." She frowned, "Any idea why?"  
"No Granny, I don't." Ruby couldn't muster enough effort to put sincerity into her voice.  
The old woman knew her granddaughter was lying, "Ruby, are you in trouble? Have you made a deal with that man?"  
Shaking her head wearily, she replied, "No, I haven't made a deal with him. He probably just wants to talk to me about Belle; she woke up yesterday."  
"Oh." Sitting down, on the bed, she placed a hand on Ruby's knee, "Haven't you been to see her?"  
Ruby could tell, by the softness in the woman's normally blunt voice, that Granny's mind was going ten to the dozen, "I saw her yesterday..."  
"Let me guess. Just before you came to the diner and hit the bottle?"  
Lying down, she rolled over to face away from her.  
"Red, don't shut me out." Resting a hand on her knee, she said softly, "I have never seen you like this."  
Pulling away, Ruby got out of the other end of the bed, "It's nearly wolf's time, I'm just a bit jumpy; that's all."  
Standing Granny frowned, from the tightness of Ruby's shoulders, she could see how wound up the young woman was. "Alright. Let me know if you need anything."  
"Thanks Granny."

As night began to fall, Ruby walked out of the hotel and let the cool night air hit her. She could feel the wolf shifting beneath her skin, "Not till tomorrow." Releasing a heavy sigh, she looked up to the nearly full moon.  
"Good evening Miss Lucas."  
Feeling her heart drop, she sighed, "Good evening Mr Gold."  
"I see you are feeling better."  
Looking down to the man at the bottom of the hotel steps, she pulled herself together, "A bit. Can I help you?"  
Shifting from leaning on his cane, he began to ascend the steps, "I would like to have a word." His eyes flashed with something dark, as he finished, "About Belle."  
Now she was sure she felt sick, hiding the turbulent emotions crashing around within her, Ruby managed to ask, "What would you like to discuss?"  
Taking a threatening step towards her, his voice took on a sinister quality, "I know how she came to regain her memories. It was your doing." Seeing Ruby intended to stay silent, as she avoided his eyes, he continued, "The only reason you are still alive Miss Lucas is because she has no idea what you did; I would have it stay that way. The alternative would be... Unpleasant."  
Sighing, Ruby was too tired to argue with him, Belle had woken up with his name on her lips; not Ruby's. "What do you want me to do?"  
"Stay away from her; and never tell her the truth about her memories."  
There was no effort in her voice, "And if I don't."  
Tilting his head, he sneered, "Well then deary, I'll destroy you; and everything you hold dear."  
Turning to sit on the porch bench, she said, "You have nothing to fear with me Mr Gold. You were the one she chose; and I would never try to stand in the way of her happiness like that." Pausing, she frowned, "I will do as you ask; on one condition."  
Raising a hand, he seemed to find her amusing, "I'm afraid you have mistaken this for a negotiation. You will do as I ask; or I will destroy you."  
Standing, Ruby's jaw set, "No. Mr Gold I will do what you ask; IF you swear that you will make her happy. That she will want for nothing and live her life in complete peaceful contentment."  
A confused frown crossed his features, "You plead for her happiness?"  
With a defiant glare, she growled, "There is a reason my kiss restored her. That kind of thing cannot be faked." She shrugged, "I love her Gold. There is nothing I can do to stop that."  
Launching at the werewolf, he grabbed her by the throat, "I never want to hear that cross your lips again; to anyone! Forget her, she is mine, you cannot have her; dog."  
Snarling despite her throat being constricted, she spat, "Is that all she is to you? A possession? Another one of your trinkets to be kept locked away?"  
Smacking her over the head with his cane, he growled, "She is everything to me."  
Wiping away the blood from her temple, Ruby straightened, "Then prove it. Make her happy."  
"I intend to."  
Biting the inside of her cheek so hard it bleed, she held out her hand, "Very well then Mr Gold; we have a deal."

**As always I love to hear what you think about it, and would greatly appreciate it if you could take the time to leave me a review. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Turns out having a head on collision at full pace during a rugby match is good for spurring my writing enthusiasm; who'd have guessed! (Though I will say the after headache may not be entirely worth it.)**

**I hope you are still enjoying the fic! On with the show!**

For her whole shift the next day had managed to avoid Belle. The young woman had come into Granny's three times; and she had managed to stay in the kitchen and have Granny take over the counter.  
"I'm going home Granny!" It was nearly sun down and she had just finished wiping down the bar. Hanging up her apron, she turned towards the door with a sigh.  
Granny popped her head out of the kitchen, "Okay Red, just be careful tonight."  
Nodding, she grabbed her coat, "I will. See you in the morning."  
Not looking as she walked out of the door, she ploughed straight into another person. Stumbling, she caught the other person before they fell backwards down the stair, "I'm sorry! I wasn't looking and... Belle." Ruby's brain shut down for a moment, her stomach dropped and her heart hammered in her chest, "What are you doing here?"  
It had sounded more accusatory than she had intended. Belle's eyes dropped sadly a moment, before she replied, "I wanted to come see you. I tried earlier today, but you didn't seem to be around." That was a lie, Belle knew Ruby had been in the diner all day, and had been avoided her; but she was determined to find out why. "You didn't stay long after I remembered."  
Shrugging the werewolf took a step back to put some space between her and Belle; the scent of the smaller woman was driving her nigh crazy. She wore a light perfume but behind that was the smell of books; ink paper and libraries. The scent could almost let Red hear the sound of the dry pages being turned, and almost see Belle curled with her feet beneath her; nose firmly in a book.  
"Ruby?"  
Shaking herself out of her daydream, she began to move for the steps, wolf's time was heightening her senses even more than usual, she could feel the coming moon prickling her skin, "Sorry Belle, I have to go."  
Sighing, she tried to catch her friend's arm, "Ruby wait, please."  
Pulling back, she couldn't look at her friend, "I can't, it's wolf's time. I need to drop this at home before I change."  
Looking dejected, the blue eyed woman nodded sadly, "Alright. I'll see you soon."  
Pausing a moment, Ruby wanted to say she was sorry, pull Belle into a tight embrace and wipe away that look of sorrow; that again she had put there. The thought that she had, again, upset the other woman caused a bolt of anger to shoot through her. Turning up the street, she broke into a run. Passing the hotel, she only haphazardly threw her bag onto the porch before knocking her speed up another level. Hitting the woods, she could see the moon rising above the trees. Careful to maintain control, she threw herself forward; when her paws hit the forest floor she came to an abrupt halt. Throwing back her head she released a long mournful howl.

Locking up the library, Belle felt shivers unlike anything she had ever known take over her entire body when the saddest sound she'd ever heard echoed over the town. Looking towards the source of the howl, she put her keys in her pocket. Determined, she pulled her coat tighter around herself against the evening chill; before striding towards the woods.

Lowering her muzzle into the river Ruby lapped up the icy water, enjoying the sting as it splashed against her face. Her peace was shattered when an unfamiliar howl cut across the wood. Her head snapped up, the other wolves didn't come here. They stayed to the woods south of Storybrooke, the incident with her mother had left a tension between them; but it was one neither side had any plans to act upon, so they had agreed to keep on separate sides of the town to prevent any incidents come wolf's time. Lifting her head she sniffed the air; she didn't know this scent. Taking another deep breath she felt her heart go dead as she picked up on another scent; Belle.

The next howl Belle heard was closer than the first, frowning she pondered aloud, "That was different to the first." Continuing to look about her, she called, "RUBY!"

"RUBY!"  
Now she was at a full sprint, she knew the other wolf was closer to Belle; and was already running at the young woman. _Shit shit shit! Belle, why the hell did you follow me?!_

A snarl came from behind her. Turning, Belle saw the white wolf coming out of the tree line. Smiling, she spoke softly, "Ruby, I've been looking for you."  
As the wolf rolled its shoulders and bore its teeth, a single fact darted into Belle's head, "Wait... Ruby's wolf is black."  
Fear began to sink in, shrinking back, she felt entirely hopeless as the wolf began to circle. When she felt her back hit the trunk of a tree she released a whimper. Seeing this as its cue, the wolf charged, before leaping into the air with a roar.  
A louder roar came from her left as something huge and black exploded out of the bushes and tackled the white wolf. Pulling herself off of the ground, Belle cried, "Ruby!"  
The black wolf couldn't acknowledge her friend as the white wolf locked her teeth around her leg. Snarling, Ruby dug her claws in and managed to push the white back just enough to lock her teeth other the other wolf's left shoulder. Sinking her fangs deep, she ripped back and up; throwing the other wolf into a large oak tree. The sound of the white's ribs cracking caused Belle's stomach to turn.  
Struggling to her feet, the white wolf lowered her ears and crouched in submission before Ruby. With a low snarl, she dismissed it; allowing the white attacker to flee into the woods.  
Hyperventilating, Belle managed to stammer, "Ruby..." Before blacking out.  
Rolling her eyes with the closest thing a wolf can get to a look of exasperation; she padded over to her unconscious friend. _What the hell am I going to do with you?_  
Carefully taking Belle's jacket in her teeth, Ruby managed to awkwardly lift the woman enough to work her way beneath her. Standing, she had managed to get Belle half way onto her back. Turning her head again, she tugged at the collar of the other woman's jacket to make sure she was safely on before standing.  
With a low huff, she shook her head, _What the hell am I doing?_  
Running back to town, she paused at the border of the wood. Looking up towards Gold's shop, she knew she should take Belle back there; he would take care of her. But she couldn't. She felt the wolf resisting her. Trying to ignore it, she took no more than a couple of steps before she blacked out. Her mother's voice echoing in her memories.  
_Your mind won't want to believe it. _I_t will tell you a wolf is invading your body; trying to take over. And if you believe that for even a moment, you'll black out; and lose control._


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! (I say again, three cheers for head injuries! Wrote this one last night but had a lack of an internet signal till now!)**

**As always any feedback you have would be amazeballs, and I hope you are still enjoying it! **

Blinking her blurry eyes against the bright morning sun, she frowned _How the hell did I get home?_ A bolt of panic went through her like a flash of lightning; _I blacked out, I lost control._ Making to sit up, she realised her left arm and leg were pinned under a light weight. Looking down, her heart jumped in fright, Belle was lying beside her. It wasn't until she registered the other woman's soft breathing did she release the breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. Examining their position, carefully so as not to wake the other woman, she realised Belle was balled against her chest, and that she had curled her long limbs around the other woman in a protective embrace.  
_I am in so much trouble_. But she couldn't summon the effort to care. Lowering her head back onto the pillow, she closed her eyes with a soft sigh and allowed herself to enjoy the moment.  
After a few moments Belle stirred, "Ruby?"  
Opening her eyes, she yawned, "Hey." Looking down, she carefully opened her arms to allow Belle to move, "You okay?"  
The blue eyes woman seemed troubled, "No... Ruby, no I'm not."  
Fear rising again, she sat bolt upright, "Oh God, did I hurt you? What did it do?"  
Belle's voice was soft, "Ruby, the wolf didn't hurt me."  
That was the thing still puzzling her, "How?"  
Shrugging, she replied, "I don't know. But I came too as we were walking up the steps to the hotel. I got off it's back, but as soon as I saw it I... I knew you weren't in control. " Rolling onto her back, but shifting to stay close to the panicking werewolf, she continued, "I was scared; terrified. But..." She ran a hand through her hair, "It took a step back, it left my path open to leave; but as soon as I took a step to leave you could have sworn I'd broken its heart. It whimpered Ruby. This wolf you were afraid of whimpered. I couldn't leave it. But when I came back it took me by the sleeve and lead me up here. I sat down and it jumped up next to me. It was like an affectionate puppy. " She paused, "Can I try something?"  
Ruby paused, "What?"  
Gently reaching out, she ran her fingers through Ruby's hair. The other taller woman's eyes drifted shut and she unconsciously leant into the contact. Belle sighed, "It's not just the wolf is it?"  
Pulling away, Ruby watched the other woman nervously, "Not just the wolf, what?"  
"Ruby, look at yourself. Your arm, your neck... hell everywhere; last night you got hurt protecting me; and for some reason I have a feeling it's not the first time you've hurt to keep me safe."  
Drawing back further, she asked, "I don't know what you are talking about."  
Gripping the other woman's wrist, her tone became almost pleading, "Ruby, don't block me out; please. Last month, you locked me in the library instead of yourself to keep me safe; you ran out to an angry mob. Even in all that chaos, you went out of your way to keep me safe." Belle took a deep breath, "That's not the only other instance. Two days ago."  
Ruby's heart hammered, jumping off of the bed, she held out a hand, "Stop. Please stop Belle. Of course I protect you. I'd die to protect you I..." She swallowed the lump in her throat, and blinked hard, "Because you're my friend." Striding over to the door, she hung her head, "I'll get Granny to make some breakfast."  
Watching the door close Belle sighed, "Oh Ruby. I know what you did for me."

"Morning Granny!" Ruby tried to sound bright as she entered the kitchen of the hotel. It was still only six am, but the older woman had already been up for hours prepping the pies and lasagne for the diner.  
Turning around, her expression was stern, "Ruby, What happened last night?" Seeing the claw marks covering her granddaughter's face, arms and chest, she practically jumped over the kitchen bench to get to her, "How on earth did you get these?!"  
Pulling away from her inspection, Ruby looked away, "I had a run in with another wolf."  
"Another wolf? But didn't the pack say..."  
"Yeah." Her expression darkened, "It seems one chose to ignore that." She sighed, "The wolf was white granny. Do you think... I didn't recognise the scent, but it looked so much like her..."  
Granny shook her head, "Your mother is long dead Ruby; and had it been her you would have recognised the scent straight away." Stroking the young woman's hair, she softened her voice, "White fur is not uncommon" She grinned, and bumped her with her hip, "Black however." Returning to her work, she could feel Ruby relaxing, "Thanks Granny."  
Realising she had forgotten her original point, she turned half way through chopping carrots, "Oh, and Ruby; why is Belle upstairs."  
Cringing, the young woman, began to shrink away, "The wolf brought her home."  
"The wolf?!"  
Nodding, she pulled up a chair, "Yeah. She was in the woods looking for me, the other wolf went for her; I got there just in time. Hence my pretty face this morning. But she fainted, so I was carrying her home. I tried to go towards Gold's house, but the wolf resisted, and as soon as I took a few steps towards it I blacked out. I just woke up; she's okay. She said it didn't hurt her."  
Granny had taken a step back, "Ruby, you know the wolf only..."  
"Only knows how to hunt and kill; it is raw instinct. But for some reason, it didn't even show aggression towards her." She shrugged, "Maybe it's because we're friends, it didn't want to hurt her."  
Granny could see Ruby was fishing for excuses, "Ruby. My own father bit me, and killed my brothers as the wolf. Your wolf killed Peter." Folding her arms across her chest, she continued, "I know there is something you're not telling me."  
Hanging her head, Ruby let out a low whimper, "I know why it didn't hurt her."  
"Why?"  
Blinking back the tears threatening to flow, she bit back a sob, "The same reason my kiss brought back her memories."  
Taking a startled step back, Granny gasped, "She is your true love?"  
The now weeping Ruby nodded, "Yes... But Gold..."  
Rushing over, she gathered her Granddaughter into a strong embrace, "Oh my girl. My little Red Riding Hood. We'll fix this." Rocking her back and forth, she stroked her hair as Red cried into her neck, "We'll find a way."  
"But... We... Can't..." Trying to stop her voice from jumping, she took a deep breath, "Gold said... He'd destroy everything... I held dear... If I told her." Wiping her eyes, she just wanted to curl up into a ball and forget the world, "I gave him my word Granny. There's nothing I can do."

She hadn't meant to spy, but Belle had followed shortly after Ruby to tell her she would get something at home; when she heard it all.

Ruby's head snapped up as she heard the door to the hotel slam. Leaping to her feet, she released a panicked breath, "Belle!"


End file.
